What is a mother?
I have recently relocated and made it to a local playgroup. I was petrified walking through the door. Who would I meet? Who would like me? Who would judge me?
I read an appalling article in the daily mail this week and it brought to my attention how many mummies are out there and being judged and I thought I would put my opinion on this down on paper for people to read if they fancy it.
Becoming a mother is hard! It's mentally and physically exhausting. You suffer hormones and often many complications that you just were not prepared for. No one gives you a manual and no one warns you how hard it really is.
When I saw myself as a mother I wanted to be just like my mum. In my eyes she's perfect. I have memories of a childhood where my mum was at home, we made things, baked cakes, had adventures, we danced and watched films, in my eyes my childhood was the best.
This is what I wanted to give my daughter too.
I researched when I was pregnant the best ways to be a mother, the best way to give birth ( at home and in a pool) well you must breastfeed ( as that's best) you must baby wear ( as that's best) you must not co sleep ( as that's dangerous) they must not cry it out ( that's best ) and weaning ( all organic and home made) I built up this vision of perfect parenting and set myself such high expectations. I tried so hard to prepare.
You want to know what happened
I got Diabeties I had to give birth high dependency bye bye lovely pool
Afterwards my cord snapped inside me and I had to get rushed to theatre as blood just gushed from me ( I am still suffering from ptsd from this as it was terrifying) I'm glad I was at hospital tho.
My baby wouldn't feed from me, I had 8 professionals 🙄 come and shove her onto me and tweak my nipples but they didn't really care, I wept and pumped and beat myself up for three weeks and eventually I gave her a bottle. I still feel a failure as a mother about this but why? Why does society make you feel inadequate for not being able to breastfeed? Why is there not more support?
Oh I tried to baby wear but after 8 weeks I had to put her down sometimes as I needed to wash and clean and having a husband who works away means my baby needed to sleep in her cot in order for me to do this.
Co sleeping well let's not even go there. When I'm exhausted and I need rest I will do whatever I need to to get this. I will do it safely and it's worked for me.
Cry it out well this is a hard one. Yes I will walk away from my screaming baby who has colic and has cried for 4 hours non stop because I need to take a breath as colic is fucking hard yes I used the f bomb but if you've had a baby with colic and silent reflux you will understand. I will not however leave her screaming in her cot if she's not going to sleep as I belive there is a genuine need they have and sometimes it's just a cuddle.
Weaning well hahahaha Squeak led the way in this and has gone baby led. I had the purees all ready but she took charge and now eats whatever we eat ( with exceptions)
Why am I telling you all of this???
Well there are some mummies out there that like me use social media to share our and our children's adventures. We can drink gin and feel unmumsy and we know that there is someone else out there also going through this. Parenting can't be planned. Whatever you choose to do and wherever your journey takes you is as unique as you. You will follow your own path and you will make mistakes and also beat yourself up over things you cannot control.
For example I can joke that I am still in my maternity jeans cause I know there are others too and you know why I joke about this? Because I also look in the mirror at times and cry and I'm sure there are others that do that too. So the jokes and the honesty will always help someone who is having a bad day. It's not slummy or bad taste it's real bloody life. Don't ever feel bad about sharing your highs and your lows.
L
Some days I wake up and I get dressed, I put my make up on, I create homemade masterpieces and bake a cake. I am perfection and I even get all the housework done and I high five myself.
Other days I don't brush my teeth.
It's balance mummies and you know what? I don't remember if my mum breast fed me, or baby wore me or let me cry it out, I don't know if I slept in her bed or what she gave me when I started weaning. I remember the time we had together and the simple things at home and with family.
So you know who is the perfect parent? YOU! You are everything your child needs no matter how you choose to do it.
So let's stop the judgement and the nastiness and stand together in the amazing adventure of motherhood.
I read an appalling article in the daily mail this week and it brought to my attention how many mummies are out there and being judged and I thought I would put my opinion on this down on paper for people to read if they fancy it.
Becoming a mother is hard! It's mentally and physically exhausting. You suffer hormones and often many complications that you just were not prepared for. No one gives you a manual and no one warns you how hard it really is.
When I saw myself as a mother I wanted to be just like my mum. In my eyes she's perfect. I have memories of a childhood where my mum was at home, we made things, baked cakes, had adventures, we danced and watched films, in my eyes my childhood was the best.
This is what I wanted to give my daughter too.
I researched when I was pregnant the best ways to be a mother, the best way to give birth ( at home and in a pool) well you must breastfeed ( as that's best) you must baby wear ( as that's best) you must not co sleep ( as that's dangerous) they must not cry it out ( that's best ) and weaning ( all organic and home made) I built up this vision of perfect parenting and set myself such high expectations. I tried so hard to prepare.
You want to know what happened
I got Diabeties I had to give birth high dependency bye bye lovely pool
Afterwards my cord snapped inside me and I had to get rushed to theatre as blood just gushed from me ( I am still suffering from ptsd from this as it was terrifying) I'm glad I was at hospital tho.
My baby wouldn't feed from me, I had 8 professionals 🙄 come and shove her onto me and tweak my nipples but they didn't really care, I wept and pumped and beat myself up for three weeks and eventually I gave her a bottle. I still feel a failure as a mother about this but why? Why does society make you feel inadequate for not being able to breastfeed? Why is there not more support?
Oh I tried to baby wear but after 8 weeks I had to put her down sometimes as I needed to wash and clean and having a husband who works away means my baby needed to sleep in her cot in order for me to do this.
Co sleeping well let's not even go there. When I'm exhausted and I need rest I will do whatever I need to to get this. I will do it safely and it's worked for me.
Cry it out well this is a hard one. Yes I will walk away from my screaming baby who has colic and has cried for 4 hours non stop because I need to take a breath as colic is fucking hard yes I used the f bomb but if you've had a baby with colic and silent reflux you will understand. I will not however leave her screaming in her cot if she's not going to sleep as I belive there is a genuine need they have and sometimes it's just a cuddle.
Weaning well hahahaha Squeak led the way in this and has gone baby led. I had the purees all ready but she took charge and now eats whatever we eat ( with exceptions)
Why am I telling you all of this???
Well there are some mummies out there that like me use social media to share our and our children's adventures. We can drink gin and feel unmumsy and we know that there is someone else out there also going through this. Parenting can't be planned. Whatever you choose to do and wherever your journey takes you is as unique as you. You will follow your own path and you will make mistakes and also beat yourself up over things you cannot control.
For example I can joke that I am still in my maternity jeans cause I know there are others too and you know why I joke about this? Because I also look in the mirror at times and cry and I'm sure there are others that do that too. So the jokes and the honesty will always help someone who is having a bad day. It's not slummy or bad taste it's real bloody life. Don't ever feel bad about sharing your highs and your lows.
L
Some days I wake up and I get dressed, I put my make up on, I create homemade masterpieces and bake a cake. I am perfection and I even get all the housework done and I high five myself.
Other days I don't brush my teeth.
It's balance mummies and you know what? I don't remember if my mum breast fed me, or baby wore me or let me cry it out, I don't know if I slept in her bed or what she gave me when I started weaning. I remember the time we had together and the simple things at home and with family.
So you know who is the perfect parent? YOU! You are everything your child needs no matter how you choose to do it.
So let's stop the judgement and the nastiness and stand together in the amazing adventure of motherhood.
Very well said my lovely. So much judgement when there should just be love and respect. I know how you feel about the good and the bad-I've been there and we've spent many hours chatting about it all. We all do a fabulous job, even on those days we think we suck! xx
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